I’ve learnt to love myself, especially over the past year, and do you know what? It feels pretty good. Of course, there are still parts I need to work on but baby steps right? Compared to this time this year, I’m head over heels with myself. Completely in love with the person I am. It feels AMAZING waking up and thinking ‘lets do today, lets do it good, and lets do it for no one but you LOU.’ Okay, I don’t usually say Lou but it rhymed so I just had to. So yeah, it feels good waking up and not completely hating on myself. I mean, you have to live in your brain, you can’t just swap with someone else. So it’s either hate yourself forever (which is very self destructive, I do not recommend) or learn to love yourself.
I honestly really do not like hating on myself. It rarely happens these days but when it does, it whacks me in the face with all it’s got. It knocks me right down and I feel like any progress I have made, has been ripped away. I try to prevent this happening as much as possible by thinking about my actions and thinking before I speak. But we are all human right? And sometimes we can get caught up in our own feelings or actions and against our better judgement, we are hating ourselves.
When I get these periods of really disliking myself, it’s usually over something I can’t control. Many people spend so much time self loathing about things that they cannot change and it takes up so much energy that could be doing something positive. That’s why I learned I needed to start showing myself a bit more love. But it’s never easy. We put far too much pressure on ourselves and have such high expectations. We need to start cutting ourselves some slack. Again, easier said than done.
On the rare occasion that the reason for disliking myself is due to something I’ve inflicted on myself, I can’t shake the hatred I feel until the problem is solved or made better, which circumstantially, can be weeks later. Which is not ideal. Spending too much money is the most occurring reason for me. I’ll beat myself up so much for this and regret any money I’ve irresponsibly spent during the past two months. I have put in actions to stop this happening from now on, but when I think about things like this, I still kick myself. I wish I could find a way to reflect and stop hating myself before I have solved the problem but I can’t. I need someone to blame, and it’s myself. Whether it’s in my control or not. This needs to stop and I’m going to try my damn hardest to find a way.
I think we all need to cut ourselves some slack and realise we are doing pretty good, 70% of the time.
Do you ever feel like this?