Lets stop blaming ourselves

I’ve learnt to love myself, especially over the past year, and do you know what? It feels pretty good. Of course, there are still parts I need to work on but baby steps right? Compared to this time this year, I’m head over heels with myself. Completely in love with the person I am. It feels AMAZING waking up and thinking ‘lets do today, lets do it good, and lets do it for no one but you LOU.’ Okay, I don’t usually say Lou but it rhymed so I just had to. So yeah, it feels good waking up and not completely hating on myself. I mean, you have to live in your brain, you can’t just swap with someone else. So it’s either hate yourself forever (which is very self destructive, I do not recommend) or learn to love yourself.

I honestly really do not like hating on myself. It rarely happens these days but when it does, it whacks me in the face with all it’s got. It knocks me right down and I feel like any progress I have made, has been ripped away. I try to prevent this happening as much as possible by thinking about my actions and thinking before I speak. But we are all human right? And sometimes we can get caught up in our own feelings or actions and against our better judgement, we are hating ourselves.


When I get these periods of really disliking myself, it’s usually over something I can’t control. Many people spend so much time self loathing about things that they cannot change and it takes up so much energy that could be doing something positive. That’s why I learned I needed to start showing myself a bit more love. But it’s never easy. We put far too much pressure on ourselves and have such high expectations. We need to start cutting ourselves some slack. Again, easier said than done.

On the rare occasion that the reason for disliking myself is due to something I’ve inflicted on myself, I can’t shake the hatred I feel until the problem is solved or made better, which circumstantially, can be weeks later. Which is not ideal. Spending too much money is the most occurring reason for me. I’ll beat myself up so much for this and regret any money I’ve irresponsibly spent during the past two months.  I have put in actions to stop this happening from now on, but when I think about things like this, I still kick myself. I wish I could find a way to reflect and stop hating myself before I have solved the problem but I can’t. I need someone to blame, and it’s myself. Whether it’s in my control or not. This needs to stop and I’m going to try my damn hardest to find a way.

I think we all need to cut ourselves some slack and realise we are doing pretty good, 70% of the time.

Do you ever feel like this?

Much love,








How to make a house a home when you’re renting

Living in rented accommodation can be frustrating. I mean, of course, I am very grateful I can afford to rent a place, many people can’t. But it’s an absolute pain not being able to decorate the rooms. My bedroom is currently my safe place and it’s where I go to relax and switch off.

I feel like I am not really an adult until I spend more time in the living room than my bedroom. I read in my bedroom, watch telly in my bedroom and spend more time in my bed than I should. I feel like when I am not in rented accommodation, I won’t spend as much time in my bedroom and use it for it’s original purpose: sleeping.

You can make it as homely as possible with cushions and accessories but I feel like a place won’t be completely mine until I can actually decorate it with the furnishings I want. I probably sound like an arse but I just cannot wait until the day I can do anything I want when decorating my home. In the mean time, I try to surround myself with accessories and home ware that makes me happy.


I have added quite a few bits to my flat to try and make it more ‘me.’ Like fairy lights. And lots of them. Cushions are always a win, but I don’t spend a fortune on them as I’d love to wait until I can create a colour scheme in my own place. I try to make my rented flat as cosy as possible and stick to a theme as much as I can. Ideally, I want to have real plants in my home but until then, I have settled with fake plants.


Frames and candles are always a winner when trying to make somewhere more personal. I have candles everywhere and it just makes the place a bit more me. At the weekends if I’m just chilling out alone, I make myself a wee reading corner with blankets, throws and cushions. This is to try and stop me spending as much time in my bed which has really been working. I still get the cosiness and comfort and it looks cute.



I don’t think I will have a television in my bedroom when I move out of rented accommodation as I want to use my bedroom solely for sleeping. But it’s definitely great at the moment for watching Netflix and DVD’s in bed.


Of course I have a bookcase in my room. I cannot wait to buy a bigger and more sturdy one when I move out next year. But this one is great for the time being in a rented flat as it doesn’t take up too much room, holds a television and books! I use the top shelf as more of a display shelf which I have a little trinket dish with my watch and rings that I wear daily. Little details like this really do make a place more personal.


Most landlords do not take kindly to putting things on the walls without their permission or justification. Our ceilings are quite high so the walls seem extremely bare without anything on them. I want some pieces of artwork framed when I move into my own place so I thought I’d try and make the room more ‘me’ by filling the wall with prints from some very talented creators  (Dorkface Shop , That’s so Lame & Desenio).The little hangings on my wall all have sentimental value to me as they were gifted to me by friends. I try and buy inspiration quotes that I can relate to along with anything that really jumps out at me.

I think it’s so important so add personal touches to your living space even when you’re renting. How do you decorate your rented accommodation?

Much love,



Alone time vs Feeling Alone

I absolutely love having alone time. There’s nothing better than zoning out and reading a book or listening to music. Everybody has there own way of having alone time, whether they realise it or not. We all need time to recuperate and chill out. Whether that’s going to the gym, taking a long shower, watching Netflix or crafting. We all need a little bit of time to ourselves. Some people love being constantly surrounded by people and some people don’t, and I am one of those people.


For me, there’s a fine line between alone time and feeling alone. And a lot of the time I cannot identify where, or more so, when, that line is. I’ve always loved time to myself as it allows my head to switch off and relax for a while. It’s not that I love my own company and don’t like socialising, I do, but sometimes there’s nothing better than getting lost in your own world. I look forward to getting home from work every night because I know I’m going to my little safe haven that is my flat.

If I’ve had a few busy weekends, I try and have the next weekend to myself with no plans. And to be honest, I look forward to it all week. But when the weekend comes, I feel like it’s somehow an anticlimax. And I don’t know why. It’s not as if I’m not productive, which is one of the few things that gets me down at home. Even on weeknights I try to do at least one piece of housework. So if I’ve planned a weekend to myself, I give myself an even bigger task to do, usually something I’ve been putting off for a while.

21769496_10159402809175512_1541766685_oAlone Time vs Feeling Alone

I enjoy the Friday night and try to have that to myself, even on busy weekends. But when it gets to Saturday, I don’t know what to do with myself. All the Netflix programmes I’d planned to watch during the week, just don’t appeal to me by the Saturday. And I don’t know why. I get bored and crave people’s company. Which baffles me because I mostly like to be on my own. And then I get annoyed at myself for not enjoying my alone time. It’s a lose-lose situation.

I put too much pressure on myself to enjoy as much as I can. I have these ideas and expectations of how much I should be enjoying myself when having alone time but the pressure just makes me overwhelmed. I enjoy having time to myself when I haven’t got any expectations or plans of what I’m going to do during my time to myself. Alone time is meant for winding down, relaxing and not having plans so why do I push myself to try and always achieve something during it?

I just can’t seem to get the balance right when it comes to alone time turning into feeling lonely. I don’t know where I’m going wrong. I could limit my alone time but I feel like I shouldn’t have to. Why should I control how long I switch off for? Sometimes it might not be long enough.

Do you ever feel this way? How do you stop yourself feeling alone when you want to have alone time?

Much love,




Feeling detached does not mean I’m insensitive

Do you ever feel like you’re sitting on a cloud watching over your own daily life? I do. Every single day. What I mean by this is that, quite frankly, I don’t feel like my mind and my body are connected. I’m just watching myself do things for the first time. When I think back on my week and to stuff I was doing I think to myself ‘was I actually there?’ Sometimes, it just doesn’t feel like I was at all. It’s strange. It kind of feels like an outer body experience or something. Some days it can feel like I am just an empty body. Like part of me has died and all that’s left is my skin, bones and organs.

I want to stress that I understand that if you too feel like this, it could be dissimilar to how I feel. I understand that there are different types of dissociation disorders however, I am not referring to any diagnosis of any mental health illness in particular. If you research how I have described my feelings recently, and you know a thing or two about these behaviours, you may immediately think of depersonalisation-derealisation disorder. Put that thought aside. Instead, I want to talk about how it feels being detached. Detached from people, events and feelings. Without putting a label on it.

A good way to describe this form of emptiness is that it is as if there are four strings attached to you controlling everything you do. You are a puppet. But the strangest thing is that, you too, are the puppet master. The puppet master knows how to get through life and do things by default. You can walk and talk and do everyday menial activities. The only thing missing is feelings and emotions. Your psychical body is always present but your mind is not. By having the ability to do activities by default is in fact very useful as otherwise, it could be extremely difficult to function. It is already hard enough getting by with no emotion or feelings as it can effect relationships in your life.

Currently, I’m getting on with day to day life and existing just fine. I work, go home and spend time with friends. I’m not sad. I’m not happy. I’m alive. Although I don’t feel it. I should feel lucky though right? My health is good and I have lots of stuff going for me so I shouldn’t complain. I’m taking part in everyday life and I’m existing. But what use is existing? I want to live. And I know that I’m the only person who can make that happen. I’ve got holiday plans and events booked with friends but I don’t even feel excited. I feel nothing. Excuse me if I sound ungrateful, that is not the case at all. I’m extremely thankful for everything I get to do and for the relationships I have in my life. It’s just frustrating when you feel nothing.


I find it extremely difficult feeling detached from people. It breaks my heart not being able to show my appreciation towards people. Not so much for objects in my life but more so for the little things people do for me on a daily basis. If I try to show that I am thankful to people, I worry that they do not think I am being genuine. And for me this is extremely difficult because I really enjoy showing genuine gratitude towards people.
Very recently, I made a tiny development with my state of mind. Nothing huge, just small but to me it was a victory, nonetheless. I cried. I cried happy tears and it felt amazing. To some people, it might sounds silly. Who wants to cry? Crying usually sucks. But I cannot tell you just how good it felt. And do you know what caused it? Tom Fletcher’s Wedding Speech. A video I have watched about five hundred times, (okay, maybe a little exaggeration) but I have honestly watched it so many times. And I still cried. I wasn’t balling but tears were streaming down my face and I had the biggest smile on my face. And then it hit me. I was feeling. This made me cry even more because it felt like such a breakthrough. All sort of happiness and feels and it was amazing. To me, this was a great achievement. And now that it has happened, I know that it will happen again. Even if it isn’t anytime soon, I know it will happen.

If you feel like this too, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Even if the emptiness only lasts for a couple of days, it is still difficult. Just know there are other people out there who struggle with this too and reaching out can work wonders. I don’t need a diagnosis for this, I don’t believe that will help me whatsoever, but that doesn’t mean I don’t despise myself every day for not being able to feel. I want you to know you are not alone. But I understand how difficult it is to help yourself in this situation. It can be frustrating and often leave you feeling deflated. But I promise you, there will be little victories which make the struggle worthwhile.

Do you ever feel this way?

Much love,


August Reads

Books books books. My favourite form of self care! Here’s what I read in August.



On the Other Side / Carrie Hope Fletcher

Evie Snow is eighty-two when she quietly passes away in her sleep, surrounded by her children and grandchildren. It’s the way most people wish to leave the world but when Evie reaches the door of her own private heaven, she finds that she’s become her twenty-seven-year-old self and the door won’t open. Evie’s soul must be light enough to pass through so she needs to get rid of whatever is making her soul heavy. For Evie, this means unburdening herself of the three secrets that have weighed her down for over fifty years, so she must find a way to reveal them before it’s too late. As Evie begins the journey of a lifetime, she learns more about life and love than she ever thought possible, and somehow , some way, she may also find her way back to her long lost love . . .



Hot Mess / Lucy Vine
Ellie Knight is just like you. Her life isn’t turning out the way she thought it would. Some people might say she’s a hot mess but then who really has their s**t together anyway?
It’s Valentine’s Day and Ellie finds herself eating Nutella in the bar stockroom after a no-show date.But single doesn’t have to be the loneliest number, does it?She goes back home to her flatshare and weird flatmates.It’s ok there’s black mould everywhere, right?
With a hangover from hell, she goes to the office job she thought she would have quit by now. Doesn’t everyone hate their job? Maybe Ellie isn’t following the *official life plan* but perfect is overrated. For fans of Fleabag and Girls, this is a fresh and funny coming-of-age story with a single-girl heroine that everyone will relate to – a modern Carrie Bradshaw meets Bridget Jones.

I thought this book was absolutely hilarious. Definitely a modern day Bridget Jones.



The Curvy Girls Club / Michele Gorman

Meet best friends Pixie, Ellie, Katie and Jane. Fed up with always struggling to lose weight, they start a social club where size doesn’t matter. Soon it’s the most popular place to be – having fun instead of counting carbs. And the girls suddenly find their lives changing in ways they never imagined. But outside the club, things aren’t as rosy, as they struggle with the ups and downs of everyday life.

I seen this book a while back and it looked like one of these easy read chic lits so I bought it. I loved this book so much. I couldn’t get into it for the first couple of chapters because there was so many characters but once I did, I couldn’t put it down. It’s such a heart warming read but with real life issues too! I immediately bought the second book and started reading it as soon as I’d finished the first!


The Curvy Girls Baby Club / Michele Gorman

Ellie is fresh back from her honeymoon and can’t wait to share her news with her best friends Katie and Jane. To everyone’s surprise, mother-of-two Jane has news of her own… The women are due a day apart, on December 25th and 26th, and Katie can’t wait to be an honorary aunt to the babies. But it’s hard to keep your sense of humor, not to mention your self-esteem, in the face of hemorrhoids and elasticated waistbands. Add a clingy mother-in-law, a career in cardiac arrest and a sex life that makes Mother Theresa look lusty, and soon their lives are as out of control as their bodies. As the co-founders of The Curvy Girls Club, where loving yourself is the only rule, will the friends be able to practice what they preach?

I loved finding out even more about the characters in the short novella that came after The Curvy Girls Club.


The Girlfriend / Michelle Frances

Laura has it all. A successful career, a long marriage to a rich husband, and a twenty-three year-old son, Daniel, who is kind, handsome, and talented. Then Daniel meets Cherry. Cherry is young, beautiful and smart but she hasn’t had the same opportunities as Daniel. And she wants Laura’s life. Cherry comes to the family wide-eyed and wants to be welcomed with open arms, but Laura suspects she’s not all that she seems.  When tragedy strikes, an unforgiveable lie is told. It is an act of desperation, but the fall-out will change their lives forever.

Not what I expected but it was absolutely fantastic! I was addicted from the start. I began reading it thinking Laura was the villain but oh, how I was wrong! Excellent read.


When the Music’s Over / Peter Robinson

When the body of a young girl is found in a remote countryside lane, evidence suggests she was drugged, abused and thrown from a moving van – before being beaten to death.
While DI Annie Cabbot investigates the circumstances in which a 14-year-old could possibly fall victim to such a crime, newly promoted Detective Superintendent Alan Banks must do the same – but the crime Banks is investigating is the coldest of cases. Fifty years ago Linda Palmer was attacked by celebrity entertainer Danny Caxton, yet no investigation ever took place. Now Caxton stands accused at the centre of a historical abuse investigation and it’s Banks’s first task as superintendent to find out the truth.
As more women step forward with accounts of Caxton’s manipulation, Banks must piece together decades-old evidence. With his investigation uncovering things from the past that would rather stay hidden, he will be led down a path even darker than the one he set out to investigate

This is one of the first crime books I have read and oh my, I can tell I am now going to be addicted. I’ve always loved watching Crime Dramas so I don’t know why I have never read them. This was such a gripping read and I am definitely going to be reading more of the DCI Banks series.


This Raging Lights / Estelle Laure

Her dad went crazy. Her mom left town. She has bills to pay and a little sister to look after. Now is not the time for level-headed seventeen-year-old Lucille to fall in love. But love—messy, inconvenient love—is what she’s about to experience when she falls for Digby Jones, her best friend’s brother.

I absolutely loved this book! I’ve not found a YA read in so long that I’ve completely fallen in love with. I loved everything about this read and the characters were all absolutely great! I want to know more though!! Does the girls mum come back?



A Quiet Kind of Thunder / Sarah Barnard

Steffi doesn’t talk, but she has so much to say.
Rhys can’t hear, but he can listen.
Their love isn’t a lightning strike, it’s the rumbling roll of thunder.
Steffi has been a selective mute for most of her life – she’s been silent for so long that she feels completely invisible. But Rhys, the new boy at school, sees her. He’s deaf, and her knowledge of basic sign language means that she’s assigned to look after him. To Rhys, it doesn’t matter that Steffi doesn’t talk, and as they find ways to communicate, Steffi finds that she does have a voice, and that she’s falling in love with the one person who makes her feel brave enough to use it. 
From the bestselling author of Beautiful Broken Things comes a love story about the times when a whisper is as good as a shout.

I really enjoyed this book and it was so lovely but Steffi kinda annoyed me. I loved Rhys though, he was adorable.


Paper Hearts & Summer Kisses / Carole Matthews
Christie Chapman is a single working mother who spends her days commuting to her secretarial job in London and looking after her teenage son, Finn. It can be tough just getting through the day but Christie has always found comfort in her love of crafting and any spare time she has is spent in her parents’ summerhouse working on her beautiful creations. From intricately designed birthday cards to personalised gifts, Christie’s flair for the handmade knows no bounds and it’s not long before opportunity comes knocking. All of a sudden Christie sees a different future for her and Finn – one full of hope and possibility, and if the handsome Max Alexander is to be believed, one full of love too. It’s all there for the taking.And then, all of sudden, Christie’s world is turned upside down.Christie knows that something has to give, but what will she choose? Will she give up her dreams and the chance of real love? What price will she pay for doing the right thing? Can Christie find her happy ending?

I’ve been a fan of Carole Matthews since reading The Chocolate Lover’s Diet. Paper Hearts & Summer Kisses was a fantastic and heartwarming read. At some bits I had to push myself on to continue reading but it was definitely worth it. Such a lovely book.


Blood Sisters / Jane Corry

Three little girls set off to school one sunny May morning. 
Within an hour, one of them is dead. Fifteen years later, Alison and Kitty are living separate lives. Kitty lives in a care home. She can’t speak, and she has no memory of the accident that put her here, or her life before it. Art teacher Alison looks fine on the surface. But the surface is a lie. When a job in a prison comes up she decides to take it – this is her chance to finally make things right. But someone is watching Kitty and Alison.
Someone who wants revenge for what happened that day. 
And only another life will do.

This book was honestly incredible! The only downfall was that it took until 25% into it until things actually started happening. But then I guess that also represents the way Kitty’s memory worked. Honestly, such an amazing plot.


What have you been reading this month? Leave me recommendations please!

Much love,



Louise Chatters August

August has been busy but I feel like I’ve been saying that for the past few months. I now have a few days off as annual leave and I am so excited to get some rest.

I got to start the month in THE best way possible and got to meet one of the greatest people ever, Laura! She was in Edinburgh for the week so we planned to meet up and it was such a good day. When I meet new people my mind goes crazy, overthinking the silliest things like, how long are we gonna spend together? What if I’m boring? But honestly, I knew I shouldn’t have worried because Laura is an absolute gem. We spent the whole day together and from the get go it was so natural. I honestly laughed so much and it was so great to finally meet her and I know it won’t be the last we see of each other! We went to the most amazing chocolate cafe and then went for a dander and then for a drink at an outside bar watching live music. Such a GREAT day.


Because Elliot and I are keeping on our flat for another year, I decided to make the living room a bit more homely for us since we both absolutely hated the big minging rug and green pillows that made the place feel so ew. I don’t know why we never did anything about it before but there’s only so much you can do when you’re renting a fully furnished place. So I got new cushion covers, a new rug and added some things to make it cosy for the autumn and winter months. I want a big piece of modern art or a large print for the main wall because our ceilings are so high that it feels so empty so hit me up if you have any recommendations (not too expensive obvs.)


As I said last moth, I started Slimming World and I’m actually enjoying it so much! I’m not going to the groups or anything because that’s just not me but I’m doing it online. I have officially lost a stone which has taken its time because I have been drinking like a fish when socialising. So my goal for the next month is to cut out the alcohol and hopefully the weight will keep coming off. I’ve managed to get regular exercise back in my life and have been mixing it up and trying new things so I’m looking forward to seeing progress.




I’ve been trying my best to clear out lots of stuff in the last month as I’ve realised it really calms me and makes me feel like I’ve achieved something. I even put together a post on my top 5 tips to declutter your life. I feel like my own personal space is the way I want it now and it feels so relaxing. Which has honestly worked wonders for my mental health.



Talking of mental health, therapy has been going well and we talk about lots of things and how I had no idea they were a part of my life. So that’s good I think. I don’t really like going into too much details about my sessions because the stuff I talk about is things that I never say out loud and it can make me feel vulnerable.

During the last weekend of the month, a group of my uni friends got together for drinks and it was SO good. It was amazing seeing everyone and even though we don’t get to see each other all the time, it’s so worth it when we do. Many stories were told and much gin was drunk.



September is gonna be a busy month at work but hopefully other aspects will quieten down a bit. But then again, I will probably make too many plans.

How has your month been?

Much love,


August Favourites

Another month, more money spent and not saved. OH WELL. I tried not to spend toooo much money this month on stuff I didn’t need but it’s always good to treat yourself. Here is what I was loving this month…


Violet Voss / Matte About You

I’ve been after a new palette for a while and to me, you can never have too many! Cult Beauty had 15% off certain pallets for a limited time and I’ve been dying to try out a couple of the Violet Voss eye shadow palettes. I went for Matte About You because I feel like I have lots of shimmer palettes. The colour range was also a winner as it is mostly neutral/warm shades which I think is perfect for transitioning into Autumn. Obviously I swatched all 20 shades as soon as it arrived and I actually cannot believe how pigmented these shadows are. There is little to no fall out when applying the shadows and I honestly 100% recommend this palette. I am buzzing to add more Violet Voss to my collection.



Kiehls CleanserClearly Corrective™ /Purifying Foaming Cleanser

It was after a skin consultation at Kiehls that I bought this cleanser and I don’t think I will EVER look back. I’ve never had such a lightweight cleanser before that actually works! It builds up to a light foam and removes make up so so easily! I’ve been using this cleanser morning and night for just over a month now and I can honestly see such a difference in my skin. It has made my skin feel so fresh and it feels like it can actually breathe. You just need the smallest amount for it to work effectively so I know it’s going to last long!



Edinburgh Gin / Rhubarb and Ginger

I have never been a gin drinker but this year it has happened. It started with Berry Bramble gin cocktails introduced to me by Emma and it has now gone on to gin and tonic. I feel like an adult. Emma introduced me to Edinburgh Gin / Rhubarb and Ginger and the flavour is outta this world. It tastes like them rhubarb and custard sweeties. Yummmy.


When the Music’s Over / Peter Robinson

When the body of a young girl is found in a remote countryside lane, evidence suggests she was drugged, abused and thrown from a moving van – before being beaten to death.
While DI Annie Cabbot investigates the circumstances in which a 14-year-old could possibly fall victim to such a crime, newly promoted Detective Superintendent Alan Banks must do the same – but the crime Banks is investigating is the coldest of cases. Fifty years ago Linda Palmer was attacked by celebrity entertainer Danny Caxton, yet no investigation ever took place. Now Caxton stands accused at the centre of a historical abuse investigation and it’s Banks’s first task as superintendent to find out the truth.
As more women step forward with accounts of Caxton’s manipulation, Banks must piece together decades-old evidence. With his investigation uncovering things from the past that would rather stay hidden, he will be led down a path even darker than the one he set out to investigate

This is one of the first crime books I have read and oh my, I can tell I am now going to be addicted. I’ve always loved watching Crime Dramas so I don’t know why I have never read them. This was such a gripping read and I am definitely going to be reading more of the DCI Banks series.



Karina Turnbull / Youtube channel

Honestly, I’ve lost count the amount of times Karina has said to me she’s properly going to get into Youtube after starting her channel at the beginning of the year. But HURRRAH. She’s done it. I’ve never been so proud of her ever. It’s taking so so much for her to post these videos and I honestly cannot believe how much her confidence has improved in the past year. I’ve enjoyed all her content so far and I can’t wait to see what else she’s gonna do. My personal fave is when she was sitting on boxes to film lip kit reviews and she fell through it. Watch it here.  This gal has come so so far and I know that she’d be overwhelmed if you could support her by subscribing to her channel if you like her content!

What have you been loving this month? Leave me a comment with any recommendations!

Much love,